Its not an emotion I feel very often but a couple of days when a good friend of mine came to me expressing a great level of distress at someone who was threatening her, I could feel an anger rising up within me. My friend told me the in’s and out’s of the story and I attempted to contact the individual who was breathing out the lethal words and I too was given a reel of threats of lawsuit and vulgar words that I had never ever heard a human being utter to a random stranger as she did. Pure poison I called it and realised that my dear friend who is experiencing a season of abundance and blessing had unfortunately fallen victim to someone who was going through their own insecurities and personal issues and was looking for a scapegoat to take out her issues on. A bully and a harasser! This had the impact of sending my friend into a state of panic, fear and worry, removing her from her position of power and positive realignment which is the season she is in. I was not having it happen on my clock!
Now as a life coach I have a lot of my clients now in adult life, suffer long term effects of bullying or harassment that took place in their teenage or younger years and when not dealt with appropriately with release methods taken to remove the mental impact that such situations placed one in, this spills out to all areas of their lives where they cannot fully assert themselves in their relationships, workplace and sometimes even with their children. You see the bully by definition is someone who uses superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force them to do something or simply to undermine them. What are they after? To bring you down to their level or beneath you because they are currently experiencing difficulties of sorts themselves and have identified a weak link in you that they can victimise and feel better about themselves. I know that bullying takes place to so many people in their marriages, at schools, with friendships, pastor/congregation relationship (either way), cyber relationships, media and press channels and in the workplace. It is increasingly important to work and develop on building a healthy self esteem and value of yourself that will weather all the storms of life. We are all vulnerable to being abused by these bullies and harassers at one point or another but when you are confident of your own Identity and are in the know of your personal rights, this opens up your antennas to sensing when something does not feel right within a relationship and allows you to confront and deal with the situation tactfully, bouncing back easily to your position of personal power.
So how do you know you are being bullied? Our children at schools are most vulnerable and it is key for the parents to identify and listen in to comments made by these little ones in helping them to nip the problem in the bud and save a lifetime of confidence issues and insecurities.
- Do people make mean comments about you because of your weight, accent, race or standing in society?
- Are you constantly being called hurtful names that make you feel like retreating and isolating yourself from people?
- Are you being forced to take an action that you are not comfortable with or do not want to do and being threatened that if you do not do it, your worst nightmare will happen?
- Do you get made fun of for how you look, dress or behave that makes you feel emotionally low?
- Are you being hounded or threatened throughout the day for debts that you owe despite your explanation that due to personal circumstances you have explained you are currently unable to repay?
- Do you feel isolated or alone in your workplace or at school despite having made attempt to integrate and converse with individuals or groups?
- Has anyone or groups ever spread mean and/or untrue rumours about you?
- Are you ever excluded from a group or conversations ie at work that should include you on purpose?
- Do you feel like someone you thought was a friend or who is in a position of leadership that they are meant to be looking out for you is trying to control you and puts you in situations of pressure that you do not have the option to say no to?
- Is someone bribing you because of some inside information they have on you and asking you to give them some kind of remuneration to keep them quiet?
- Does anyone imitate you in a derogatory way that makes you upset or uncomfortable?
- Is someone forcing your hand to give them money to a cause in the name of religion or otherwise and using biblical references or insider information about you and your current situation that if you do not give to them you will remain in your situation or worse will become of you?
- Does anybody physically hurt you on purpose or threaten you verbally to a level that instils fear in you?
- Do you feel afraid or nervous about going to work/school/church/gatherings because of the company of people who are there who make you feel uneasy or inadequate?
- Have photos of you that you didn’t want shared ever been posted online without your permission or have they ever been edited to portray you in a negative way to deform your image in public?
- Have people ever posted mean things about you online, or ganged up on you in your absence without hearing your side of the story?
These are a few forms of bullying that I have come up with and I just want to encourage somebody today if you find yourself in any of those situations mentioned and those I have not, you do not have to take it anymore! Blowing the whistle and confiding in someone whom you can trust is the first step to putting a stop to this. Bullies and harassers count on you not telling anyone about it but the minute you open up to somebody who you feel you can trust, a teacher, friend, other colleague, parent, leader about how you feel will allow you to gain confidence and acknowledgement that you are not going crazy and what you are being put through is not right, getting the appropriate forces in place to be able to deal with the bully. You have a right to be able to express your opinions and your identity in a way that does not put anyone else in danger without being victimised for it. There are various organisations that can help you get over these issues and authorities whom you can report to to put an end to it. It is also vital that you get some after-care which is available with various counselling and coaching platforms to help you move on from the mental impact that can have lasting effect on you and stop you from operating in your full potential. This is especially important if at some point in your life you have had to endure long standing periods of bullying. Its not only important for you to root it out because of you but because that negative seed of low self esteem and worry will have an impact on your children and if you do not deal with it in a balanced way, the future generation may find itself being victimised or becoming bullies themselves, causing this ripple effect to move down your bloodline for generations to come.
As a believer and follower of Jesus Christ myself, my bible tells me in the book of 2 Timothy 1 vs 7 that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power of love and of a sound mind. It is your God given right to have these three operating in your life at all times and anytime you feel one of these slipping away from you, that should be an alarm bell to you that something is not right. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s very own image and were created to do great things on this earth. You cannot afford to have anyone pull you down from the elevated place that you are set, to be a light in this world and do great exploits. The evil forces of this world are constantly trying to pull you down from this position of authority that you were born into and you may have landed yourself into an abusive marriage, toxic relationships, negative environment and the bible clearly states that the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy YOU, but Jesus came so that you may have life, and have it in abundance. You do not have to accept the bullying and victimisation anymore!
There is one who sticks closer than a brother called Jesus, who died and rose again just for you, to set you free from the shame, the chains, the fear and to heal your broken heart. There is no pain that is too deep for him to reach and no shackles that he cannot break! I am here to announce to you as you read this that your freedom starts today, Jesus has already paid that price for you and you deserve to operate and live in a state of power, love and a sound mind! Do not fear, he is with you right now and he promised that he would never leave nor forsake you! Take your rightful position and put an end to these illegal entities in your life right now. Just say out loud “Jesus I’m calling out to you today, set me free from the effects of bullying and harassment in my life. Cover me with your precious blood and lead me in the appropriate direction of what I need to do next!” If you need to book some coaching sessions to tackle the residue issues after such ordeals, contact me via the contact sheet and get back into your rightful position of peace.
BULLYING AND HARASSMENT-IT ENDS TODAY!.